I am not used to having so much time on my hands....felt like I need to reflect...or something. ha! So, I hit an emotional point 2 days ago...5 weeks to the day after my accident. Backtrack...the night before, I had a great night with James, whom I have been spending alot of time with. And I mean, a great night...I feel so comfortable being myself with him, it's almost weird. He is like the guy that I become great friends with, except that there is also attraction...add to that the fact that he is emotionally available, and you have yourself a winner. Did I mention that he used to be a chef and LOVES to cook?
Anyhoo...I could go on and on, but I got really emotional and cried a few times, because I could see myself really falling for this guy. I kept thinking "I am not ready for this", and I am not so sure what I am not ready for...am I not ready for the emotional openness, or for the pain that may happen if it falls through? I brought it up to him that night, and the fact that I had not been ready to commit to anyone unless I felt that there was a definite future (if that can ever be definite).... that I had made plans to meet other people in CO and AZ while Keely was in camp. He claimed that I am the only one he is putting energy into, that if I want to meet other guys, that's my preogative, but that he won't wait around. He knows what he wants, but only if I want it too. ... He said that I should let someone (him) love me....
He is so positive and complimentary, without being weird or overzealous or needy about it. He's smart and conscientious....I only worry that he doesn't seem to have much to lose, and he seems to go from one girl to another (will ask him about that),....and he wants kids eventually. I have decided not to have anymore, although way back in my mind I kept the option somewhat open depending on whom I meet and what develops.
I am excited about US, though.... I really feel like he will be my best friend as well as lover, partner in crime, athletic partner and coach, and more.
As for the future, he is currently working on fashioning his life to make what he loves and knows best work for him financially. He has a diverse background in business and athletics and is putting plans in motion...and that is what I want to do. I want to find a way to combine athletics with pharmacy in a way that my career will actually foster my love of physical activity and endurance sports. I feel that my connection with James while he does this will be perfect for ideas and possible springboarding what I want to do.
So, while I am a bit hesitant about the thought of being in a relationship again, I feel so good about this... and I feel like I have kept my head this time. We both decided to take our time in the beginning, and everything he has said, he has done so far. Now I feel like I am rambling, but it's random thoughts, with the future in mind.
I feel good about this....even though I am telling guys I was going to meet in CO and AZ that I won't be visiting, I feel right. I have an awesome guy here. Why go pursue someone in another state that I may or may not even get to know better?
I am feeling like going for it...I AM going for it. He senses where I am at, and he sees me for who I am. We have similar things in the past that create a basis of understanding that I don't have with many other people. We can make comments that other people wouldn't understand, but we both know the underlying meaning. No explanation needed.
Yeah, I like him. I like my future...I feel good about things...actually, yesterday I felt amazingly balanced. I was able to get alot done, to not dwell on things so much, to picture myself in a more positive light....and I just felt calm about what is happening now and where it will lead. He is a good influence on me, a positive influence for sure.
Will write more about pharmacy later... just had James on the brain for a bit.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
When life throws a curveball....
I have been reminded yet again not to count too much on things going as planned. I have had a rough turn of events, and I am proud of myself for keeping positive. I honestly think a lot of it is surrounding myself with positive people, but overall it is me that determines how I deal with life. So, for a general timeline of my past year:
May 2007
1st year of pharmacy school finals
1 week later, classmate dies of drug overdose
Same day I find out, I started a fellowship and I hit the final straw with my husband and his addiction
Several months of serious training and emotional divorce
September 25, 2008
Separated from my husband- my daughter and I lived with my parents while I finished school and found an apartment
October 2008
SOMA HIM, my first- 5:46, well below my goal of 6 hours
November, 2008
Started dating Sean from Durango
December 12, 2008
Divorce is final
December 15, 2008
Finish finals and start moving into my new apartment
Several months of training more than studying, dating Sean, and adjusting to being a single mom again
April 20, 2008
Sean and I break up....we had been talking about the future, and I was sure I was falling in love. This breakup brought me to my knees and to this day hurts when I think of that week.
May 15, 2008
Finals end, and I don't care anymore about my grades, just that I survived
May 18, 2008
Buffman and Squeaky, Oly PR
May 20, 2008**- the curveball of 2008
Had a great 2-hour ride with new friend and ex pro-cyclist James, and that evening attended the crit, where I fractured my pelvis in a crash involving a pedestrian...separate entry for this event
May 24, 2008
Iron Horse Bicycle Classic, Durango, CO...was gonna be my first road race, but couldn't do it
May 25, 2008
Narrow Gauge 10-miler...again, couldn't do it
June 14, 2008
Take Keely to camp in Durango, where she will be for a month!
First ride outside on a bike since accident
June 17, 2008
4 weeks since crash and finished 4th successful bike ride
So, I have been feeling extremely unfocused for several months, but when I look at the fact that I went through a divorce involving some serious emotional issues I won't divulge online, and became a single mom again, plus keeping up (barely) in a tough year of pharmacy school, keeping up my training, dating a great guy only to have it fall apart right before finals, and then a major injury that has sidelined all of my wonderful and ambitious plans for the summer, I try and give myself a break.
May 2007
1st year of pharmacy school finals
1 week later, classmate dies of drug overdose
Same day I find out, I started a fellowship and I hit the final straw with my husband and his addiction
Several months of serious training and emotional divorce
September 25, 2008
Separated from my husband- my daughter and I lived with my parents while I finished school and found an apartment
October 2008
SOMA HIM, my first- 5:46, well below my goal of 6 hours
November, 2008
Started dating Sean from Durango
December 12, 2008
Divorce is final
December 15, 2008
Finish finals and start moving into my new apartment
Several months of training more than studying, dating Sean, and adjusting to being a single mom again
April 20, 2008
Sean and I break up....we had been talking about the future, and I was sure I was falling in love. This breakup brought me to my knees and to this day hurts when I think of that week.
May 15, 2008
Finals end, and I don't care anymore about my grades, just that I survived
May 18, 2008
Buffman and Squeaky, Oly PR
May 20, 2008**- the curveball of 2008
Had a great 2-hour ride with new friend and ex pro-cyclist James, and that evening attended the crit, where I fractured my pelvis in a crash involving a pedestrian...separate entry for this event
May 24, 2008
Iron Horse Bicycle Classic, Durango, CO...was gonna be my first road race, but couldn't do it
May 25, 2008
Narrow Gauge 10-miler...again, couldn't do it
June 14, 2008
Take Keely to camp in Durango, where she will be for a month!
First ride outside on a bike since accident
June 17, 2008
4 weeks since crash and finished 4th successful bike ride
So, I have been feeling extremely unfocused for several months, but when I look at the fact that I went through a divorce involving some serious emotional issues I won't divulge online, and became a single mom again, plus keeping up (barely) in a tough year of pharmacy school, keeping up my training, dating a great guy only to have it fall apart right before finals, and then a major injury that has sidelined all of my wonderful and ambitious plans for the summer, I try and give myself a break.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
5 Interesting things about me
Well, it seems I have been tagged and that I am supposed to post 5 interesting things about me....this could take a while, cuz I want them to truly be interesting...although it's surprising that what seems mundane to us is quite interesting to certain others. Also, some things that are interesting about me I would rather not divulge to people unknown to me, or known to me for that matter...
Here goes....
1. I moved away from home when I was 16 to study ballet in San Francisco Bay Area. I had gone to the summer school at Marin Ballet School the summer I was 15 and they offered me full scholarship,and it took 6 months to convince my parents to let me move out there. I lived with a family down the street from the ballet school, and I broke my foot 10 days after moving there! It was awful, and I had been understudying pas de deux parts. I stuck it out, gained a lot of weight, moved into the ballet school in a little room upstairs, where the bathroom was down the hall and the kitchen downstairs, and lost a lot of weight. I finished high school there (4.35 GPA out of 4.00) as one of five salutatorians. We had 2 valedictorians. I then went to San Francisco Ballet School on full scholarship, which didn't last long.
2. I moved just myself and my car from NM to Boston when I was 21, where I lived for 2.5 years. I had a little Geo Metro, 3-cylinder. Unfortunately, I was following my now ex-husband up there, the same one I had left in San Francisco 6 months previous. I never claimed to always have made smart decisions, just that I learn from them. I used to walk through Harvard yard every day to get to the subway. I got pregnant, was married 7 months pregnant in a $20 dress from Sears that was navy blue with flowers. I had my daughter out there, in Cambridge, and I lived a block from Tufts University and wanted to go there, but they wouldn't accept me with a child. Crazy, huh? So, I left my husband at the time (who was verbally and occasionally physically abusive) when my daughter was 5 months old, drove my stuff back to NM, and we both lived with my parents for a year, in the same room nonetheless!
3. I am a bit of a chameleon, or at least I used to be. I have "done" about every scene possible in San Fran and NM, from country, to rave, gothic, drug dealers, potheads, hi rollers, different ethnic scenes (especially Russians), not to mention super pharmacy geeks, and triathletes....wanna branch out into cycling and rock climbing more to really get a feel for what it's like...did the whole gymrat thing for a while and enjoy the balance I have more. I am now a single mom for the second time, have been a stepmom to much older children, was married to a man almost 15 years my senior until Dec. 12th, and I am sure I am missing some things here. I am always looking to experience new things, new lifestyles and ways of approaching things. It's amazing how many ways we can achieve fitness, let alone all the other aspects of our lives!
4. I am in my 8th year of college, and will have completed 10 consecutive years of college by the time I get my second degree, a Doctor of Pharmacy (PharmD) in May of 2010. It took me 6 years to get my undergraduate. I always majored in biology, but I also had a minor in dance, and for a while I was double majoring in Spanish. I took 3 years of college-level Spanish, but I really can't speak much. Sad. I miss dance. I have done ballet, jazz, modern, Russian folk, Flamenco, other folk styles, but never tap. I had to quit dance, although I completed it as my minor, so that I could get my degree and move on. I earned a BS in biology, summa cum laude, in December of 2005. Not sure where I want pharmacy to take me...have looked hard at clinical pharmacy, or maybe even regulatory. We shall see how things unfold.
5. The secret is out. I am a bunny. I have been dubbed as such by many a boyfriend, and it finally stuck. Part of it is because I used to eat 5 pounds of carrots a week. Yes, it turns the palms of your hands orange. I ate that amount because I couldn't fit anymore into one of those plastic produce bags. My ears stick out, and I can move my nose just like a bunny. I have lots of energy and used to bounce more like a bunny....I think I have matured a bit, or maybe I have dulled, but I can still bounce and pounce. I go through withdrawal if I don't have a daily salad. Of course, the other is also part of it, hence my boyfriends and not my girlfriends call me that. My mother always said that I have a "healthy sex drive". She is pretty perceptive, that lady.
Here goes....
1. I moved away from home when I was 16 to study ballet in San Francisco Bay Area. I had gone to the summer school at Marin Ballet School the summer I was 15 and they offered me full scholarship,and it took 6 months to convince my parents to let me move out there. I lived with a family down the street from the ballet school, and I broke my foot 10 days after moving there! It was awful, and I had been understudying pas de deux parts. I stuck it out, gained a lot of weight, moved into the ballet school in a little room upstairs, where the bathroom was down the hall and the kitchen downstairs, and lost a lot of weight. I finished high school there (4.35 GPA out of 4.00) as one of five salutatorians. We had 2 valedictorians. I then went to San Francisco Ballet School on full scholarship, which didn't last long.
2. I moved just myself and my car from NM to Boston when I was 21, where I lived for 2.5 years. I had a little Geo Metro, 3-cylinder. Unfortunately, I was following my now ex-husband up there, the same one I had left in San Francisco 6 months previous. I never claimed to always have made smart decisions, just that I learn from them. I used to walk through Harvard yard every day to get to the subway. I got pregnant, was married 7 months pregnant in a $20 dress from Sears that was navy blue with flowers. I had my daughter out there, in Cambridge, and I lived a block from Tufts University and wanted to go there, but they wouldn't accept me with a child. Crazy, huh? So, I left my husband at the time (who was verbally and occasionally physically abusive) when my daughter was 5 months old, drove my stuff back to NM, and we both lived with my parents for a year, in the same room nonetheless!
3. I am a bit of a chameleon, or at least I used to be. I have "done" about every scene possible in San Fran and NM, from country, to rave, gothic, drug dealers, potheads, hi rollers, different ethnic scenes (especially Russians), not to mention super pharmacy geeks, and triathletes....wanna branch out into cycling and rock climbing more to really get a feel for what it's like...did the whole gymrat thing for a while and enjoy the balance I have more. I am now a single mom for the second time, have been a stepmom to much older children, was married to a man almost 15 years my senior until Dec. 12th, and I am sure I am missing some things here. I am always looking to experience new things, new lifestyles and ways of approaching things. It's amazing how many ways we can achieve fitness, let alone all the other aspects of our lives!
4. I am in my 8th year of college, and will have completed 10 consecutive years of college by the time I get my second degree, a Doctor of Pharmacy (PharmD) in May of 2010. It took me 6 years to get my undergraduate. I always majored in biology, but I also had a minor in dance, and for a while I was double majoring in Spanish. I took 3 years of college-level Spanish, but I really can't speak much. Sad. I miss dance. I have done ballet, jazz, modern, Russian folk, Flamenco, other folk styles, but never tap. I had to quit dance, although I completed it as my minor, so that I could get my degree and move on. I earned a BS in biology, summa cum laude, in December of 2005. Not sure where I want pharmacy to take me...have looked hard at clinical pharmacy, or maybe even regulatory. We shall see how things unfold.
5. The secret is out. I am a bunny. I have been dubbed as such by many a boyfriend, and it finally stuck. Part of it is because I used to eat 5 pounds of carrots a week. Yes, it turns the palms of your hands orange. I ate that amount because I couldn't fit anymore into one of those plastic produce bags. My ears stick out, and I can move my nose just like a bunny. I have lots of energy and used to bounce more like a bunny....I think I have matured a bit, or maybe I have dulled, but I can still bounce and pounce. I go through withdrawal if I don't have a daily salad. Of course, the other is also part of it, hence my boyfriends and not my girlfriends call me that. My mother always said that I have a "healthy sex drive". She is pretty perceptive, that lady.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Distracted....
So much has happened recently...I finished SOMA well under my goal time, which was exciting...and I have yet to write a race report. I have been dealing with the separation from my husband....first living at my sister's, then living with my parents. Thank goodness my daughter gets her own room! Currently looking for a place to move. Finals are over December 15th, and I want to be outta here! I love my parents, but as a parent, 33 yoa, and extremely independent,...I just don't like not having my own space and having to ask to do things.
So....I also have met some neat guys....only one of which there seems to be a possibility of something in the future.... I have a lot of chemistry with 2 others, but one is in Tucson and doesn't seem interested in more than occasional intellectual conversation followed by sex, and the other one is local, but is too busy and got scared off somehow.
Now, Sean is the 3rd one. He lives in Durango, yet I have seen him 4 weekends since mid-October. He flew through ABQ twice and drove down twice. It's my turn to head up there soon, right after finals actually.
I need to save all of that for a later date, but thought I would put down basics....should be studying...have finals the next couple of weeks, and my lab practical tomorrow morning early... not into school this semester. ...right now, I am into my off-season training, learning how to rock climb, and enjoying becoming independent again and looking at all the doors that have opened up for me in the past few months....life is grand, no matter how hard it seems, because for every door that closes, another one (or more) opens. Hallelujah!
So....I also have met some neat guys....only one of which there seems to be a possibility of something in the future.... I have a lot of chemistry with 2 others, but one is in Tucson and doesn't seem interested in more than occasional intellectual conversation followed by sex, and the other one is local, but is too busy and got scared off somehow.
Now, Sean is the 3rd one. He lives in Durango, yet I have seen him 4 weekends since mid-October. He flew through ABQ twice and drove down twice. It's my turn to head up there soon, right after finals actually.
I need to save all of that for a later date, but thought I would put down basics....should be studying...have finals the next couple of weeks, and my lab practical tomorrow morning early... not into school this semester. ...right now, I am into my off-season training, learning how to rock climb, and enjoying becoming independent again and looking at all the doors that have opened up for me in the past few months....life is grand, no matter how hard it seems, because for every door that closes, another one (or more) opens. Hallelujah!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
About me...
I "do" triathlon...it is my sanity when my life is turned upside down. It is my way of pushing my physical and mental limits and coming through, day in and day out. It is my social outlet.
I started with Team In Training (TNT) http://www.teamintraining.org/ in 2005, when I trained for and completed the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco. I haven't stopped (for long) since. I became a mentor with Team In Training, and completed my first tri last season with them. It was the CapTexTri (Olympic distance) in Austin, TX. I had a blast!
I am currently training for the SOMA half Ironman on October 28th in Tempe, AZ with TNT. http://www.active.com/donate/tntnmep/ABaker. It's my first half, and I feel good about it. Someday, I plan to do an Ironman....but I won't have time until I am out of pharmacy school...or the money for the bike I want. Happily, I train with The Outlaws http://www.outlawstriathlon.com/, an awesome group of crazy triathletes.
I am a student pharmacist starting my second year tomorrow. That means that in 3 years, I will be a Doctor of Pharmacy, and I don't intend to work retail. I am interested in clinical and/or administrative/policy. I plan to complete 1-2 years of residency when I graduate, regardless of what people in my life think about it. I am highly involved in my school and in the community, and recently interested in policy and how we can make a difference as students in how we practice pharmacy in the future.
I have to cut this short because I need to prep for my workout today....7 mile run, 2 hour bike ride, 3100 yd swim. :0)
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